Words cannot adequately describe the simultaneous horror and amusement I felt when I spotted this cushion in a local ‘cheap’ shop.

Let’s face it, we’ve all seen apostrophes abused in horrible ways. (And no, Susan, I’m not referring to the time you stole one.) But this sign in my local chippie (aimed at the schoolkids who swarm there at lunchtimes) set my mind wandering: HAND’S OFF WINDOW’S PLEASE Which of these might be a valid interpretation? [...]